My husband and I have been married for coming up to two years now and have been together for almost eight years in total. When we first got together, we discussed having children at some point and though we certainly didn't feel ready at the time (or old enough, at only 19 years old!) we both seemed comfortable with the fact that there would probably be children in our future were things to work out between us and were we to spend our lives together. But we didn't count our chickens or any of that metaphoric stuff.

Our Wedding Day - feels so long ago!

Now, we are mid-to-late twenties and are at that stage of marriage where we are asked "have you started trying for a baby yet?" on an increasingly regular basis. And the answer to that is a firm "no".

I can't speak entirely for my husband but we have both made a conscious decision to be "childfree". It's weird that it even needs to have a label but it seems that's what they are calling us. They. Those who are already parents or who desperately want to be and cannot fathom why anyone would want to be without children by choice. 

I'll tell you why - fictional scornful mother that I'm picturing right now - because we like our life. We like it how it is. 

We like that if we want to spontaneously catch a film at the weekend, we aren't scratching around for a baby sitter last minute. Same goes for eating out in a nice restaurant where there are no children (please God don't take your children to nice restaurants, they belong in kids places like Pizza Hut and McDonalds or AT HOME and not in Bella Italia). We like that when leaving the house, we just take our essentials like keys and wallets and not a huge nappy bag and endless supplies if wet wipes and distraction toys. We like that our clothes aren't covered in spit up and snot and what even is that...? We also like that we are only responsible for ourselves (plus the cat). And we like money. We are not well off by any stretch of the imagination but we are comfortable enough to do the things we want to, and to think about raising a child that takes hundreds of thousands of pounds just really does not appeal to me. Marty loves his video games and comics (maybe having a big kid for a husband means I don't need a baby anyway??) and I love taking trips and clothes and nail varnish. I have seen my parents struggle to their wits end but still manage to give us an amazing childhood and I'm just not cut out for that. At all. How did they do it? WHY did they do it?


And lastly I just can't see us with a child. I have zero maternal instinct and Marty tires of other peoples children within minutes. "It's different with your own children though, how do you know unless you try? You might love it!" No. This is not a hobby that I want to give a go one time. This isn't sushi or the first time I tried peanut butter and jam. You can't give a baby back. And you can't just sell your baby like the exercise bike I bought and tired of within weeks. Well, you can, but it's kind if frowned upon. "You learn as you go and it comes naturally to you!" - no, it clearly doesn't, as I have seen some atrociously parented kids and while I think I'd probably have a decent crack at it, that doesn't mean I want to be responsible for a whole human being and how they turn out.

We vow to review it every few years. But I can't see me changing my mind in all fairness. I can't see my husband changing his mind either. We aren't kids any more - we can't "grow up and see how you feel when you're older" as one relative said recently. I wouldn't want to have a child after 35 - that's just my thoughts on it - I wouldn't want to be an "older" mum. So I have 7 years to change my mind and I can't see it happening. And people continually asking isn't going to help either...

Is that raw fish? Hmmm ok... I guess I can try it. UGH IT'S MINGING SPIT IT OUT

Please, if you have children, that's great but don't presume I or anyone else wants them too. Let those who have made a choice to not have children command the same respect as those who have decided to. We are not missing out on anything because it's just not in our nature to have children. I cannot tolerate a screaming baby or a toddler tantrum and I certainly couldn't be responsible for one.

I was glad to discover that I am not alone in my above feelings on the matter!! Being "Childfree" is quite a big deal on the internet, and I felt much more comfortable in my decision by knowing I wasn't the only one who felt this way! Please do read around the subject if you feel overwhelmed by baby pressure!! :) 


  1. I like your openness and honesty. I came across a group in london where childfree people can discuss such topics. It opened my eyes to the fact that I was probably one of those ignorant people that innocently said, 'Any kids on the horizon?' . We can all change!

  2. Hi,
    I found you because of your pale skin foundations post, but it's so rare to find someone else who doesn't want kids. *high five*
    Seriously, though, it's really awesome to find solidarity!