Saturday, 20 October 2012

Completely Inane Ramblings

I can't believe how little time there is left until I get married. Its literally now less than 2 weeks... 2 WEEKS!! The past couple of months have really flown by; before then time seemed to tick by at its usual dull rate and the agonising wait seemed so much longer. But its here now, its finally here - 2 weeks until I walk down that aisle and I meet my best friend at the altar. Is it an altar if its a civil ceremony? I don't really know. I will meet him at whatever is at the end of the aisle anyway, should he turn up. I sincerely hope he will; he hasn't really given me any reason to think otherwise but there is always that little teeny nagging doubt isnt there. That you aren't good enough for someone, or even if you are, that they don't see it or maybe at the last second they realise they simply can't commit the rest of their life to you. But we had a chat last week - when I said I  couldn't believe that he was willing to be with me forever, and he assured me that this was indeed the case. Marty has never been one for big out-pourings of affection but he can do reassurance very well - if he realises there is a problem!! He has been so great the past few weeks. Neither of us are stressed, or particularly worried or nervous about getting married, and we've tried to keep things as normal as we can I think. But he has definitely been more affectionate recently, lovely back massages, playing with my hair, lots of cuddles. So even if there hadn't been the verbal reassurance, I think his nice gestures would have proved to me that he was going to turn up on their own :)

We fly out to Belfast on Saturday the 27th, and I am SO ready for it. Not just to get married - but of course that's the main reason!! I am so ready for a break too though - work has been tiresome and never ending. I think three years in this kind of job, where you meet new people day in day out and listen to their problems, gets a little bit repetitive. It was ok at the start, because the first time I met someone with muscular dystrophy or osteoporosis or chronic anorexia, it was new and interesting and its so rewarding when you know you've helped them (if you dont know what I do - I basically get furniture for them thats more comfortable, chairs mainly but desks, also office equipment like keyboards and mice). But then you see hundreds of people and they all have problems and you know within 5 minutes of meeting them what they need and you have to stay there for another 15 minutes making them feel special, like they're the first person you ever met. In real life, I can be very shy. Especially with new people - big groups are the worst, but even just one new person and I can be fairly cagey. But Work Vikki is different. I put on her persona with my lipstick in the car before I go into a meeting. And suddenly I am this bubbly, lively, interested and, I hope, engaging character. I try to spot something about them or where they work, and try to build on it. A brightly coloured scarf - "such a beautiful scarf brightening up the dreary weather!", a picture of a little boy on their desk "Oh is this your son?? Such a handsome devil!", the colour of the walls in the office, "I've been looking for the perfect red/green/blue paint for my living room isn't this a gorgeous colour?". Building up a rapport so they feel they can talk to me and open up about their problems and how bad it actually is instead of the brave face they usually put on for the world. And the fake persona is ok for the 20 odd minutes I'm with someone but it does get a little tiring. A whole week and a bit away from all that sounds like absolute bliss to me. I finish on Friday the 26th and I'm not back until Wednesday the 7th of November. Absolute heaven :) And of course there's that wee matter of getting married while we are out there!

I think we are pretty much prepared; having been engaged for almost 2 years now I have done things in stages, in dribs and drabs, trying to spread out the cost but also the stress. I think I've been fairly successful. I almost feel like I should be MORE stressed than I am, and that makes me a little nervous. What if I have forgotten something major? But if at the end of the day Marty and I are married and my guests are fed I suppose there is nothing more to it - everything else is just details. Everyone tells me that you get stuck in your own little wedding bubble, and you barely even notice your guests anyway. I dont really want that - I want to be able to spend time with every guest, to mingle, to make everyone feel included. But I guess thats not always possible, with such a large group of people and such an unusual setting. Its not every day people will be witnessing me getting married and they will all be in the same room with each other. I am very much looking forward to seeing my guests mingle, the Irish side and the English side, and how that pans out. Everyone is very friendly - of course, if they weren't they wouldn't be our friends! But you never can tell when two completely differing groups of people will react when they are put into a room together. I think everyone we really wanted to be there has been able to make it - there's been a few drop outs for varying reasons but to be honest the way I see it now is that its their loss. Its going to be a wonderful day, for everyone I hope and not just myself. I feel sorry for them that they are going to be missing out :)

I went to visit a tattooist today in Fleet. I was hoping to get my tattoo, in honour of my wedding date, over in Belfast at the tattooist that Marty's dad uses. Everyone always says to make sure you know someone who had a tattoo at the place before, and so you can see their work and trust that they know what they are doing. But because we fly back on the Monday, it would be very difficult to fit in a trip to the tattooist after the wedding. So I am going to this place in Fleet on the Tuesday when we come back. A guy I know from Twitter has been there and his tatts look great, and all the work on their website looks fab. Though of course, they wouldn't put up bad pictures...!! The guys in there seem really relaxed though, and even though they could obviously tell I was a complete tattoo n00b, they were really kind and designed my tattoo for me there and then, with the correct font how I wanted it. They printed it out for me - its on my fridge now. I can look at it every day for the next week or so and make sure its what I definitely want, but I am pretty certain it is. Its going to say "And So Our Story Begins" in script lettering, with my wedding date in a typewriter style font underneath. Having been to the tattoo parlour, and now seen for definite how its going to look, I am desperate to get it! I have always wanted a tattoo, but I have never really known what I wanted. I don't agree with getting a tattoo for the sake of it - it has to mean something to you or have some kind of story or reasoning otherwise its pointless. I can't think of any better than getting married to the man I literally cannot imagine my life without.

I am not sure if I will get a chance to blog between now and then, but if I don't, I will post pictures when I am back of both the wedding and the tattoo and share with all those lovely blog readers who do not actually exist :)

Love, The Brakesy xxx